INTERNET NEARLY COMES TO END AFTER H&M'S SPRING LINE IS TROLLED HARDCORE

Rock and Metal fans are no stranger to more mainstream outlets co-opting their music of choice. From UK retailer Sports Direct stocking Burzum shirts to various pop musicians sporting boutique battle jackets in some misguided trend attempt, alternative music fans have seen it all... And more importantly love to get on their high horse about it.

Hypocritical complaints from Metal heads about people wearing metal clothing and merch to be edgy aside, there is one thing no-one has seen before. Fake Metal merch. Not only that, but fake Metal merch backed up by fake bands, fake songs and fake record label samplers. This example of bizarre commercial choices comes from clothing retailer H&M with their new Spring line. A series of garments sporting logos from bands that don't exist. Take a look see.

Recently news has spread like wildfire across the internet, mainly from Metalsucks.com that H&M were coupling these bands with demos, fake Metal Archive entries and even a fake record label. People took visceral pleasure it seemed in pointing out that the styled NSBM bands meant that H&M were supporting White Supremacy and Neo-Nazi's. I mean it looks like H&M went to quite a length to create legitimately believable music and profiles, including ones that were accurately cringe worthy.

GREY (Germany), gothic metal from Leipzig.
The band was formed in late 1993 by Draken (guitar, drums ) and his wife Vampiria (vocals, keyboards). Draken (Uli Becker) and Vampiria (Magda Schultz) met each other when Vampiria was studying opera singing at the Rudolf Weingott Musikschule in Chemnitz. Even though she was only 16 years old, she was also considered as one of the most talented singers in Germany. And when her beautiful voice was combined with the genius work of self-taught multi-talent Draken, GREY was found.
In 1995 Napla Records released their debut album "Wine and Tears" (recorded and mixed by Hans Holtz @ Blitzkrieg Studios, Leipzig). The album was praised by the press worldwide (9/10 Mental Hammer), but did not find it's audience.
Band changed their language to German and made one more demo "Der Herbst", but decided to quit soon after that. After GREY Vampiria has visited in various metal albums but due to laryngitis was forced to quit singing.

This however, as funny as it is, isn't quite the case. I mean yes, someone went out of their way to create all this content… but it wasn't the retailer in question.

It was however, a feat undertaken by the folks over at Strong Scene Productions, the totally real label every band is coincidentally signed to. The long and short of it is that a collection of metal musicians came together to a) troll the crap out of everyone, b) comment on mainstream appropriation of metal and how it’s more than an aesthetic. Henri Sorvali of Finnish metal bands Moonsorrow and Finntroll gave an interview over at Noisey that will sum up his involvement, and the general project, better than I can here. Though all you really need to see is this:

The purpose of the group (consisting of literally tens of people from different areas of music and media around Scandinavia) was to create discussion on the fact that metal culture is more than just "cool" looking logos on fashionable clothes, and has many more aesthetic and ideological aspects in different subgenres than what some corporations are trying to express. The metal scene is varied, controversial and a sort of a wolf you can't chain into a leash and expect it to behave on your terms like a dog. Strong Scene as a collective has absolutely no political nor ideological intentions, and is only bringing the conversation to the level it should be discussed at. Think of us as the one-time "Yes Men" of metal music.

If that wasn't enough then see this Facebook post from Strong Scene Productions themselves. Though even this doesn't seem to stop Metalsucks from getting butt-hurt over being proved wrong and they are claiming “who does that” on the entire thing.

YOU ALL HAVE BEEN UNDER INFLUENCE OF THE STRONG SCENE.We have never stated to collaborate with H&M in any way but only...
Posted by Strong Scene Productions on Monday, 23 March 2015

After the chuckle and guffaws subside I’d like to question if it was effective. These generic aesthetics were coupled with generic sonic creations to create a believable entity.

Would Mystic Triangle be out of place on Southern Lord as Sgt D claims?

Can you really not imagine Crepuscular being part of the South American Black/War Scene?

Would it be so hard to believe that Blast were part of the extreme thrash/proto-black metal scene that mixed Teutonic Death Thrash with the sensibilities of Venom?

If it’s so easy to fake it with a mix of corporate marketing and generic metal music then what exactly has been proved? That Metal is easy to fake convincingly? That it’s too easy to rile up Metal heads? That the pallet from which the Metal artist has to so cripplingly small that you can throw random parts together and have something that can be accepted as metal?

Whatever it actually proves I think it speaks more negatively about the limiting nature of the genre's traditional core facets than it does about mainstream appropriation.

Though I think we can all agree that one thing that can be proved for certain is that those clothes are atrocious… but it still doesn't beat this… THING put out by a real, for serious, alternative clothing brand.

(If this picture instantly blinded you then yes, that is a long sleeve shirt printed all over to look like a Denim Cut-off. I'm sorry.)

Serious aspects of the Metal scene are capable of being even more ridiculous than people who don’t really “get it.”