The Grammy’s rolled around last night, and by rolled I mean
it really did roll around like the bloated, self-satisfied wank party that it
is. People have been complaining about this for years, it’s just sort of readily
accepted that most official award ceremonies are a load of warmed up bollocks.
So then why has everyone in the Rock World been getting
bitchy about it?
Allow me to be your guide to the World of Rock butt hurt and
the Grammys and my oh so sensitive rebuttals. (Scroll down for a slightly more
sensible look at the Grammy voting process.)
But they didn’t mentioned the late great David Brockie (aka Oderus Urungus)!
Yes they skipped out the death of Oderus, frontman of GWAR, just how last year they skipped
over the death of late Slayer guitarist
Jeff Hanneman.
I’m sure I’d be joining Brockie, if he were still able to
speak, in saying, who gives a rat's ass? I love GWAR, but this is the Grammys, not the Rock n’ Roll hall of fame.
Winners this year included Beck, Eminem and the goddamn BEEGEES. And somehow maudlin pile of
beige, Sam Smith, got best new artist.
Do you see my point yet? Would Oderus want recognition from this puny flesh sacks?
It’d be like going to the Golden Gods and
complaining that Will.I.Am. wasn’t
included. It doesn’t matter that Brockie was a nominee in years past. GWAR are irrelevant in the world of the
Grammys and getting mad about it reeks of the “my favourite genre is better
than your favourite genre” mentality that is one of Metal music’s biggest
flaws.
(For the record the above Rock Awards mentioned aren't much better)
(For the record the above Rock Awards mentioned aren't much better)
But they didn’t mentioned the late great Wayne Static!
Again, I have nought but respect for Static-X, but when was the last time they had anything close to a
huge radio hit that they could pedal for cash dolla or any other huge
mainstream success? If nothing else do you need your taste justified by a panel
that decided that Pharrel was the
best urban release of the year?
But Paramore winning “Best Rock Song” is a conspiracy!
This is a real opinion held by real people. Just let that
sink in.
Not only that it’s an opinion held by Nu-Metal/Alt. Rock band
Trapt.
Thing is though, they’re not wrong in a way. Yes it is a
conspiracy, a conspiracy based around the fact that they don’t really care
about Metal music.
Oh no the Grammy’s don’t like Metal, better get my victim complex in order because it’s really important that the Grammy’s validate my life choices.
Also the BECK record
is sweet. Just sayin’. Better than any Trapt
record I’ve ever heard.
But Tenacious D won best metal!
How many times does it need to be repeated… the Grammys don’t
care about Metal. Tenacious D is popular and shifts units. End of discussion.
*Anything related to how no real Rock or Metal bands won anything*
Grow up. The Grammys don’t mean anything and in no way
negatively affect the music you love.
Okay...
Okay...
I’ve had my fun, let’s actually take a closer look at the
voting process to explain exactly why a Rock or Metal band was never going to
get anywhere close to a prize.
Submission for entries is handled by “Recording Academy
members and record companies” this is hint one. The Grammy submission process
is already biased towards big businesses in music. To become a member of “The
Academy” you have to be a music maker and then you’re let in by the Academy
itself, which is likely made up of other Record Execs, Commercial Song Writers and
I don’t know… maybe Al Gore? So the chances of a Metal Album being submitted in
the first place is next to nil. I somehow doubt any one from Metal Blade would
be let in, if you know what I mean. It’s like the Masons, if the Masons loved
really bad music.
Once an entry is sifted through the corporate pigeon holing
process it goes to nominating. “First-round
ballots are sent to voting members in good dues standing.” Now what do you
think that means? Past winners perhaps? Record Companies that sponsor the
event? Either way it can be re-asserted here that it is a cyclical process. To
win you have to fit in to the same standards that have already lead artists to
win. Record Execs have to like you, which probably means you’re signed to them.
Does my opening classification of the awards as a self-congratulatory wank-fest
sound less like an overblown insult yet?
Final voting is again done by “members in good dues standing” which is a lovely ambiguous phrase
which basically means, people the Academy likes. Meaning that it’s basically an
award ceremony about Record Companies telling themselves how great they are.
Rock and Metal bands or any real recognition of artistry are absent. All award
shows are the same.
My advice to anyone upset by anything Rock or Metal related
that may or may not have been included in the Grammy’s is to simply Let It Go…
…which coincidentally won Best Song Written For a Motion
Picture.
